A mourner missing in action :(
"Long life. I'm sorry about your loss. Who are you saying kaddish for?"
Apparently, I've been absent from morning minyan so frequently that this infrequent Sunday morning minyannaire, who, apparently, showed up for davvening/praying because there was a synagogue choir rehearsal after services, had never seen me before, and gave me a welcome generally traditional for those just out of shiva and saying kaddish in synagogue for the first time.
Oy. :(
So I had to explain the whole business about my poor attendance resulting from my trying to avoid getting sick from losing sleep in order commute to minyan.
She was not impressed with my logic, and said that I really should pay someone to say kaddish for me if I couldn't get to a minyan at least once a day.
Double oy.
On the plus side, we got to talking about my husband's and my possible future move to her neighborhood, and she told me that my second-choice synagogue, a Modern Orthodox one, is located much closer to this Conservative synagogue than I'd thought.
Apparently, I've been absent from morning minyan so frequently that this infrequent Sunday morning minyannaire, who, apparently, showed up for davvening/praying because there was a synagogue choir rehearsal after services, had never seen me before, and gave me a welcome generally traditional for those just out of shiva and saying kaddish in synagogue for the first time.
Oy. :(
So I had to explain the whole business about my poor attendance resulting from my trying to avoid getting sick from losing sleep in order commute to minyan.
She was not impressed with my logic, and said that I really should pay someone to say kaddish for me if I couldn't get to a minyan at least once a day.
Double oy.
On the plus side, we got to talking about my husband's and my possible future move to her neighborhood, and she told me that my second-choice synagogue, a Modern Orthodox one, is located much closer to this Conservative synagogue than I'd thought.
posted by Shira Salamone at 1:06 PM
2 Comments:
IMVHO, and I have no authority to make decisions for others, one should never pay for someone else to say kaddish on your behalf. Kaddish itself was meant as a substitute for those who could not manage the original mourning custom, which is Torah study (in the broad sense) done for the merit of the deceased. If you can't make it to minyan, study a couple of verses of Mishnah, a chapter of Tanach, or whatever else time and your skill level permits. Whoever you are mourning for will be more pleased to see you improving yourself than delegating the job to others.
That's the best suggestion I've gotten yet. I can't really listen to audio files in the office, so the OU's study pages won't really work for me, but Torah.org has lots of reading material, so I'll try to study something on that website every workday lizkor v'li-z'chut avi (in memory of, and for the merit of' my father) Ozer ben Zeilig v'Cheidi. Rav todot (many thanks), Larry!
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